20.

I'm pretty sure I dreaded turning 19 since I was 17.

Which is because it is the end of the Teenage-Me era and I have to make choices and changes.

Long term goals and short term goals.

(Avoiding the word "dream" to make it more likely that it comes true.)

You know, when will I do my other degree?

When do I absolutely HAVE to be financially independent?

Where will I live?

Look, I get obsessing isn't conducive but having a plan is so necessary!

So when/if 24 year old me worries about not being financially stable and what she's doing in life, she can chill or make a quick plan because... she already has a big possible plan.

Right, so I was freaking out, with 2 months left being a teenager I am trying to ready myself for the changes and it's kind of working.

It's like my world is ending and I need to brace myself to make myself a good life on Mars before I implode.

Urg. Everything feels sucky and weird and it's like I'm living the chapter in my life titled "change".

I have a pretty good idea of who I am, then again I also believe in briefly being everything you're not to figure out who you are?

Urrrrg... so much change.

So much suffering.

So much growth.

Oh and so far my means of ailing my nightly cold sweats on Being Old(er) is to read up on experiences of 20 year olds and googling stuff like stuff I wish I knew at 20, because the internet is a great tool in giving you advice.

I even google my feelings (.-.)

Right that's my life.

Bye.