If You're Reading This Now....

I've met men who meet me and let me fascinate them more than anything
who want nothing more than to know the inner workings of my soul or maybe that's a ploy to know about the inner workings of my thighs.
Actually, I think I have only met men like this.
men who are more curious than anything else.
men who have programmed me to be the way I am, with high walls and a lack of curiosity about love.

I once tried to fit into the box of the perfect lover.
I failed, so I went back to walking around with all these pretenses about how this didn't bother me, or maybe it really didn't anymore.
& I don't think I saw it, until I met you.
See, I am a difficult woman, and I know this.
Interestingly, I always made it easy for the others in comparison but when I got to you I was tired.
So, I gave you all the inches of my walls and I didn't make it easy.
See, I loved you but there was too much of me, the me that rejected the notion that functional love and I could be.
& I think I thought that you'd get bored or you'd see my flaws or realize that you quite frankly picked wrong.
& the night that led to you walking home in the rain, I was convinced that you were done with me.

I would have been done with me.
But you weren't.
You still wanted me.
I tried so hard to push you away and you STILL wanted me.
see I knew from the beginning, that I wouldn't leave, so I tried to make you.
You didn't & I think over time this made me weak.
You made me weak.
Weak because now you're all I want and I can't deny it anymore.
Poetry is currently all I have, because it's what happens when nothing else can.
So here I am, heart in hand with this message for you, if I am indeed all that you want.

I'm still me, and sometimes I will push you away but please don't listen.

Please don't ever let me be the girl that you miss, because chances are that if you do I miss you too.

Don't let me be that girl you you mess it all up with, because every inch of me will ache

Don't let me be the girl your heart aches for because I can bet you left mine bleeding

Don't let me be the girl that makes it difficult for you to breathe

Don't let me be the girl you send midnight texts to after you've been craving me for hours.

Please don't let me be the girl who walked away.

Don't let me be the girl you walked away from.